


Life Goals

by mathsgeek314



Series: OTP's at Hogwarts [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Gryffindor Kurt Hummel, Hogwarts AU, Hufflepuff Blaine, M/M, Mentioned Brittany S. Pierce, Mentioned Finn Hudson, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-23 11:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4875775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mathsgeek314/pseuds/mathsgeek314
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Blaine.”<br/>“Yup?”<br/>“I’ve decided my life goal is to beat Rachel Berry.”</p><p>Over their seven years at Hogwarts, Kurt has seven life goals and Blaine has to deal with each one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Year

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a birthday present for my friend Charlotte (who doesn't have an account on here so... her name is here instead)  
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope this isn't awful...
> 
> Thanks to cats_kindof_rule for beta-ing this as well, you put up with a lot of me shouting at you over cyberspace.
> 
> Rights to everything belongs to whoever they belong to (sadly none of them me...)
> 
> Rated T for language

“Blaine.”

“Yup?”

“I’ve decided my life goal is to beat Rachel Berry.”

“Kurt...” “No, let me finish, I have it all worked out…”

The two first-years were chatting on a sofa in the inter-house common room. After the Battle of Hogwarts, the Room of Requirement had been restored but lost all of its magical properties. Rather than just let the room sit empty the faculty decided to convert it into a common room for all four of the houses. It was supposed to promote unity between the houses however, after the war, the students were a lot closer together than before anyway. Sure, there was still rivalry but it was definitely a friendlier environment.

“Seriously, Kurt, we met her a month ago. You can’t hate her that much.”

“I don’t hate her. I just want to beat her in everything. Plus I am convinced she is part-Veela. That’s just creepy.”

Blaine stared at the Gryffindor.

“Really? What on Earth makes you think that?”

Kurt gave a little huff of impatience: “It’s obvious. Like you said we’ve only been here a month. She already has that Hufflepuff Finn following her everywhere. I mean when he isn’t running around after Quinn…”

“Have you ever considered that he likes her? And that they’re friends? Like us?”

“Well...I mean…oh shut up Blaine, nobody likes a know-it-all.”

“I think somebody is a little jealous.”

“I’m not jealous of Finn, Blaine.”

“I wasn’t talking about him.”

“Why would I be jealous of _Rachel_?”

“Well she has Finn’s attention…”


	2. Second Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So usually I would probably update this once a week but I have written ahead a little bit so...  
> Here, have the next chapter thrown at you as well!

“Blaine.”  
“Yup?”  
“I’ve decided my life goal is to be as famous Harry Potter.”  
“Ok, explain.”  
The Gryffindor and Hufflepuff were sitting around a table in the library, speaking in hushed tones to avoid invoking Madame Pince’s wrath. That is to say, her kicking them out or telling them to shush. Binn’s History of Magic course had recently been updated to include the events of the Battle of Hogwarts and the two were researching Harry Potter’s early life: his time at school before Hogwarts and his life with the Dursleys. The books they were reading were about as boring as any Muggle history textbook and just as thick.  
“Well, the way I see it, Harry Potter is going to be remembered for practically eternity.”  
“So?”  
“I want to be remembered for eternity.”  
“Why?”  
“...”  
“This is about Rachel again isn’t it?”  
“...”  
“Just because she was in Witch Weekly doesn’t make her any better than you.”  
“What part of ‘in Witch Weekly’ do you not understand?”  
“Kurt.”  
“Blaine.”  
“The article said ‘His daughter, Rachel Berry, is currently in her second-year at Hogwarts.’. Even Rachel has finished gloating about it. You are the only one still hung up over it.”  
Kurt slammed the book shut causing Madame Pince to glare at him. Kurt apologised sheepishly before turning back to Blaine.  
“I am not hung up over it-”  
“You kind of are.”  
“Blaine shut up and let me finish. I have moved on and made my peace with it.”  
“OK. So, how are you going to get famous. And if it involves me doing anything remotely illegal, you’re on your own.”  
“You wouldn’t desert me.”  
“I would if you wanted me to break the law.”  
“Oh, I won’t make you break the law until at least fifth year.” Kurt turned to Blaine and saw that he looked extremely nervous. “I’m kidding...maybe…”  
Blaine did not look any less anxious.  
Kurt just laughed.


	3. Third Year

“Blaine. You awake?”  
“Huh… oh...what Kurt?”  
“I've decided my life goal.”  
“Of course you have, you haven’t made one this year.”  
“What was that?”  
“Nothing, just tell me the new goal.”  
“My life goal is to educate Hogwarts on LGBTQ+.”  
The boys were at the Hummel household over Christmas. They had sat up all night chatting, before falling asleep halfway through a conversation about the pros and cons of staying at Hogwarts over the break (“You get to see family.” “There are twelve Christmas trees Kurt.” “My mum is amazing at cooking.” “TWELVE CHRISTMAS TREES. TWELVE.”). Kurt had woken up in the middle of the night and had been trying to get back to sleep when he had an idea for his new life goal; his old ones had been too childish.  
“You’re going to what now?”  
“I’m going to-”  
“No, I heard you the first time, I just… wait, Kurt?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Does this have something to do with Finn saying no when you asked him out.”  
“...”  
“And then saying that you and everything you own was…”  
“Blaine, it’s okay, you can say it.”  
“Was…faggy.”  
“I mean- I just...” And with that the poor thirteen-year-old burst into tears.  
“Oh Kurt. Come on, budge over.” Blaine crawled into the bed beside Kurt and gathered him into his arms. They both lay there until Kurt’s crying petered off into small sniffles every now and then.  
“Look, Kurt. I said this the day it happened and I am going to say it again. Someone who calls you...that word...does not deserve you. He hurt you and that, that isn’t allowed. But sometimes in life you fall in love with the wrong people. For some it’s the assholes who treat you like shit, others it’s the homophobes who call you slurs. For God’s sake there are some teenage girls in love with celebrities and fictional characters. You don’t-”  
“Blaine?”  
“Yeah Kurt?”  
“Y-you’re okay with me being gay right?”  
“Hahaha.”  
“Excuse me?”  
“Sorry it’s just. Kurt I am 100% fine with you being gay. It would actually be pretty hypocritical of me if I wasn’t.”  
“You mean...you’re…”  
“Straight as my natural hair.”  
“Oh, OK…”  
“...”  
“...”  
“...”  
“C-can you keep…”  
“Uh right. Anyway. Forget my sexuality for the minute. You don’t choose who you have a crush on or even fall in love but you can choose what you do when it goes wrong. You can either spend the rest of the year crying into your glass of pumpkin juice- and yes I have seen you do that. You can do that, Kurt, or you could stand back up and-and he’s asleep…”


	4. Fourth Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is long but...
> 
> I just got really invested in this chapter OK?!

“Blaine.”  
“What’s your new life goal Kurt?”  
“W-what? How did you know I was going to-”  
Santana then decided to butt in: “Oh come on Miss Priss, even I knew that was what you were going to say.”  
“Santana has a point, like we’ve been friends for about a year and rivals for even longer, if I could tell it was coming, Blaine could easily.” Rachel said not even looking up from this week’s copy of Witch Weekly.  
“Oh come on Rachel I am so not that predictable...hey don’t look at me like that.”  
“Fine Lady Hummel, what were you going to say then?”  
“I’m looking forward to being Blaine’s Potions partner.” Kurt winced after that, knowing that his lie was awful.  
“Oh come on Kurt, you have to try harder than that.”  
“For once I agree with the Sad Little Jewish Girl, that was pathetic, even for you.”  
The four of them were sitting in the Great Hall eating lunch before the girls had to head to Transfiguration and the boys had to head down to the Dungeons. Over the past year, they had grown a lot closer. Brittany and Quinn sometimes sat with them and Finn occasionally did too (things were still quite strained with Kurt, but it had gotten better when Kurt had gotten over him and Finn had finally given up on Quinn and started dating Rachel properly). But today it was just the main four- despite Santana calling all of them names every other sentence, they actually got on quite well. It was just a string of coincidences that really made them friends though.

 

\----

Six months earlier...

Rachel had never really had proper friends not even when she was younger. Most of the other girls had thought that she was annoying to play with so Rachel had never really gotten the hang of making friends. Sure she had the other girls in her dorm who were all pretty nice (except for that bitch Santana- seriously, people have names other than the insults she gives them) and she and Finn had something going on, but she had no one she would call her friends. The closest thing she had to a friend was probably Kurt and they had that whole rivalry thing going on so that wasn’t exactly the best example of a functioning relationship.  
She was musing over this when she walked into someone in the second corridor. Both Rachel and the person she had knocked into fell to the ground.  
“Sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going.” Rachel looked up to see a yellow tie and then saw that she had bumped into someone from her year. “Oh, um, Blaine right?”  
“That’s me. And trust me when I say I know who you are Rachel.” Blaine laughed picking up his stuff from where he had dropped it when he fell.  
“What do you mean by that? Are people gossiping about me? Oh God they are aren’t they?”  
“No, nothing like that. My best friend is Kurt, Kurt Hummel? You do know him right, he hasn’t made up this whole rivalry has he?”  
“Oh right of course you are. You’re Blaine Anderson. Right, right. Well sorry for bumping into you but I have to get to class.”  
“Me too. See you Berry.”  
“See you Anderson.”

 

\----

“OOF!”  
“Getting a sense of déja vu Rachel?”  
“How do I bump into the same person more than once? In the same week? Maybe it’s a sign of something? What do you think Blaine?”  
“I think it’s a sign you’ve been spending way too much time with Professor Trelawney if I’m honest.”  
Once he had said that, Blaine caught sight of Kurt turning down the corridor. He started walking towards the two of them but stopped short when he caught sight of Rachel.  
“Blaine. Rachel.”  
“Hey Kurt. I was just asking Rachel if she wanted to eat lunch with us today.”  
“And does she?” Kurt asked glaring at her, daring her to say yes.  
“I’d love to.”  
“Great, I guess we’ll see you in the Hall. Come on Blaine.”  
“I’ve just got to grab some stuff, I’ll meet you there though.”  
“Fine.” And with that he walked off.  
“I get the feeling he doesn’t like me all that much.”  
“I’m sure that isn’t true.”

 

\----

 

“So…”  
“How’s the pork Kurt?”  
“Great.”  
“...”  
“...”  
“...”  
“Red Vines anyone?”

 

\----

 

“Ow!”  
“ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME? HOW MANY TIMES AM I GOING TO BUMP INTO SOMEONE THIS WEEK IT’S LIKE IT’S NATIONAL MAKE RACHEL BUMP INTO PEOPLE WEEK!”  
“Uh, Rachel? Did you hurt your head? You’re not really making any sense.”  
“I’m fine Kurt. Actually I’ve been meaning to talk to you about lunch the other day. I didn’t mean to intrude on anything you and Blaine have.”  
“Anything Blaine and I- what are you talking about Rachel?”  
“Your relationship...I mean you guys are dating right? That’s why you get so possessive over him.”  
“I’m sorry? I think you really did bump your head…”  
“Seriously Kurt? Who are you kidding? I’ve seen the way you look at him- you’re not exactly subtle.”  
“I am so confused. Can we just go back to our rivalry? At least I understood that.”  
“Wait, so you aren’t dating Blaine?”  
“What? No.”  
“Then no, we cannot go back to being rivals.”  
Kurt sighed: “And why not?”  
“Just because my love life is currently in ruins doesn’t mean yours has to be too.”  
“Come again?”  
“You’re not going to get rid of me until you are happily in a relationship with Blaine!”  
“Great…”

\----

 

The newly formed trio were walking between their classes when they heard the stream of insults which announced the entrance of Santana. So far they had only been on the receiving end of a few choice insults, but nothing too horrible.  
“Oh my God Rachel can you and you big nose watch where you’re going? You’re gonna knock someone out of you keep walking like that.”  
“Oh come on Santana, lay off her.”  
“Oh who’s this? Ah of course. Teen Gay and his little puppy boyfriend. You’ve started hanging with this saddo then?”  
“We do have actual names,” Rachel muttered, but Santana had already swept past them, thinking up an insult for her next unfortunate victim.

 

\----

 

“Kurt! Blaine!”  
“Oh hey Rachel, what’s up?”  
“Give me a second, just gotta catch my breath,” the Slytherin did indeed look rather flustered, like she had just run from the other side of the school. “I just ran from the other side of the school.”  
“You look like it too. You know class doesn’t start for another fifteen minutes right?” Blaine said looking at her concernedly.  
“Yeah I know, I don’t even have class here, I just wanted to catch you before you heard.”  
“Before we heard what Rachel?” Kurt asked, joining the conversation.  
“That...that,” Rachel leaned forward and whispered the next bit, “someone outed Santana as gay.”  
“OH MY GOD SANTANA’S GAY!”  
“Say it a bit louder, Blaine, I don’t think the people in China heard you…” Kurt snarked before turning back the the Slytherin, “What do you mean someone outed her? How would they have even found out?”  
“It was Rita Skeeter. Although she gave up writing ages ago, she’s still investigating anything and everything. Somehow she saw Santana and Brittany making out in an empty classroom before Santana had some kind of freak-out. Apparently she sold the information to somebody wanting to create a Hogwarts smear campaign. The message was that the school couldn’t look after its LGBTQ+ students.”  
“Oh my God…”  
“Do you know where she is Rachel?” Kurt asked, hoping there was something he could do to help-- he knew how it felt to struggle with you sexuality.  
“Last I heard she was being hit on by some creepy sixth-year.”  
“Please say it was a girl.”  
“I really wish it was Blaine, I really wish it was…”

\----

 

“Hey Santana, you in here?”  
“Fuck off Porcelain.”  
“You’ve been spending way too much time with Professor Sylvester.”  
“What the hell do you want Hummel?”  
“I think you know why I’m here.”  
“Look, Miss Priss, I don’t need some shitty ‘you’re perfect, don’t ever change” crap. It’s useless and will do nothing except make you feel better and make me want to strangle you. I just want to sit in this awful-smelling changing-room and mourn the loss of my abuela.”  
“Is she…”  
“She may as well be for all she cares about me now.”  
“You mean she…”  
“Let’s just say she isn’t my greatest fan right now. Why are you still here anyway, shouldn’t you be off with your little gang of gay?”  
“Rachel isn’t-”  
“You’re still here. Why?”  
“Well, I just thought you might want some company, particularly from someone who has gone through what you have.”  
“Yeah, great, just what I need. Some perfectly happy guy rubbing his perfectly happy life in my face.”  
“You think my life is ‘perfectly happy’? I got shoved against a wall this morning. Twice.”  
“So? You piss someone off, they beat you up, then back to your happy life of unicorns and rainbows and the other crap Brittany talks about.”  
“Santana this happens practically everyday. I dread the end of class because I know I’ll have to brave the corridors before I can get to the hall or common room or just anywhere I can breathe a bit easier. So no I don’t have a ‘happy life of unicorns and rainbows’ as your girlfriend likes to put it. I have anything but.”   
“Shit, I’m sorry Kurt.”   
“I wouldn’t be, I would be grateful it’s not me. Except now it is you. You’ll be lucky if you get the treatment I get. Chances are, quite a few guys will try and ‘fix’ you. Just tell them to go fuck themselves alright? They’re assholes.”  
“Uh yeah, sure.”  
“Good. I think I should leave you to your mourning now.”  
“Yeah. Hey Hummel?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Thanks.”  
“No problem.”  
“But this conversation never happened alright?”  
“What conversation?”  
Santana smiled the first genuine smile Kurt had ever seen on her face.

 

\----

 

“Rachel and I are just going to go get a couple of textbooks out of the library. You OK to stay here with our stuff Kurt?”  
“Yeah sure, I’ll see you later.”  
Kurt started to pick at his lunch while reciting a few incantations in his head for the test he had next. Then somebody sat down in the seat across from him.  
“That was quick did you...oh.”   
“Oh thanks for the warm welcome Porcelain.”  
“Sorry I just thought you were Blaine and Rachel.”  
“Of course you did, they are the only people who would even think about sitting next to you.”  
“I think that was an insult? I’m not entirely sure. Anyway. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company Santana?”  
“I need friends.”  
“And you’ve come to me because? I am pretty sure you just told me I had two friends. I’m not exactly a prime example.”  
“Look, since everybody has found out I’m gay, I’ve realised that I need friends. But I’m not coming to you for advice. I’ve come to (God knows why I’m doing this) ask to be your friend.”  
Kurt’s lunch spewed across the table.  
“Not the reaction I was expecting but I’m not surprised.”  
“Why do you want me to be your friend?”  
“I knew this was coming. It’s really to do with the conversation-that-never-happened. Despite what I said about crappy ‘you are perfect’ speeches, that one was kinda alright. I mean it wasn’t anything special but it probably got me out of the Quidditch changing-rooms a few hours before I would have on my own.”  
“That’s great Santana but what has this got to do with becoming my friend?”  
“Ugh, why are you so fucking slow? I just feel like I owe you for that.”  
“And you think you can do something for me by becoming my friend?”  
“No. Well, yes, you need all the friends you can get. But it’s more if I’m your friend I could probably get you and Blaine to get your heads out of your asses and start making out.”  
“WAIT WHAT? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”  
“You wanna shout a little louder?”  
“Sorry, it’s just it was kind of out of the blue. I thought we were talking about us becoming friends not my imaginary love life.”  
“Well I figure there may as well be one happy gay couple at Hogwarts.”  
“WHAT?”

\----

Present Day

“Anyway, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted,” Kurt paused to look at his three friends. Santana just continued cleaning her fingernails but Blaine and Rachel had the grace to at least look a little bit guilty. “I have decided my new life goal.”  
“And what oh-so-unachievable goal is it this time? Free the house-elfs? World peace? Hogwarts Glee Club?”  
“Shut up and let him finish. Wait what was that last one, that actually sounds really interesting…”  
“Will both of you just shut up!”  
“Thank you Blaine. My new life goal is to become Gryffindor Prefect.”  
“...”  
“...”  
“...”  
“What?”  
“It’s nothing just…”  
“It’s well…”  
“Oh for God’s sake, it was weirdly achievable for you.”  
“Beating Rachel at everything was totally achievable.”  
“Kurt…”  
“Oh shut up Rachel, if I was still that obsessed with Finn, I would be above you in everything.”  
“He is pretty stubborn.”  
“Oh shut up Blaine.”  
“So why is your new life goal to be Prefect anyway?”  
“Well, I just thought that since my other ones didn’t happen because they were so over the top, that I would instead make smaller goals which would eventually lead to a bigger one.”  
“Alright. What’s the bigger one then?”  
“Either Headmaster of Hogwarts or Minister of Magic. If that doesn’t work out, Head Boy at the very least.”  
“Of course…”


	5. Fifth Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the next chapter.  
> Just a warning that sixth year might not be up for a while as I haven't finished it yet and I am having a slight writer's block.  
> I also procrastinate.  
> Anyway.  
> Here's the chapter

“Kurt…”  
“Y-yeah Blaine…”  
“I’ve decided what your new life goal is.”  
Kurt sniffled “What is it?”  
“To do your mum proud. I know she isn’t with us any more...shh, shh. But I’m sure she’s somewhere looking down on you and-”  
“She’s not.”  
“What?”  
“She’s not, OK Blaine?”  
“W-wait, you can’t just, why are you so against her still being somewhere?”  
“Because somewhere doesn’t exist. Neither does God or whatever you believe in.”  
“Why do you say that?”  
“Even if He did exist, He doesn’t care about me. If He did, he wouldn’t have made me gay and He definitely wouldn’t have taken my mother away from me.”  
The two boys were lying on Kurt’s bed. It was the first time that Blaine had even seen Kurt since the tragedy struck.

\----

Three weeks earlier

“Your go Santana.”  
“Alright Porcelina.”  
“For the last time Santana we do actually have names. You know, I’m Kurt, Hobbit Hair is Blaine (hey it was a joke, don’t look at me like that) and the Slytherin you actually share a dorm with is Rachel.”  
“Oh, I thought I shared a room with three girls and a nose.”  
“FOR THE LAST TIME, SHUT UP ABOUT MY NOSE!”  
“Rachel’s right, you need to stop talking about everyone’s flaws.”  
“So her nose is a flaw then Blaine?” Santana smirked.  
“Oh come on Rachel, you know that’s not what I meant.”  
“Yeah, but that’s what it sounded like… Hobbit-Hair.”  
“Thanks for that Kurt.”  
“My pleasure Bilbo. Anyway. Santana: Truth or Dare?”  
“Dare.”  
The other three turned away from Santana to discuss their options:  
“We could make her shout I love Brittany from the Owlery.” Rachel suggested.  
“We did that last time. Plus it was really cliché.” Blaine pointed out.  
“Ooh, I have a really good one.” Kurt whispered his idea to the others who agreed immediately.  
“So what do I have to do? Go skinny-dipping in the Great Lake? Have a five-minute conversation with Moaning Myrtle?”  
“Nope. Something even harder.”  
“What’s harder than having to hold a conversation with that ghost?”  
“You have to call us by our real names for the rest of the game?”  
“Shit. I should’ve chosen truth…”  
The three of them laughed.  
Then there was a knock at the door.  
“Blaine you sure you kicked everyone out of you dorm?”  
“Uh yeah. They’ve done it to me enough times, they were more than happy to.”  
“Then who’s at the door...Blaine? Ugh it just doesn’t sound right. I’ll be happy when this game is over. Anyway. Who’s at the door?”  
“I don’t know Santana, maybe we should open the door and see?”  
“Alright don’t get sassy with me. It’s probably some idiot Hufflepuff who forgot his toothbrush or something.”  
“Hufflepuffs aren’t idiots.”  
“Of course you would say that.”  
“Will someone just open the goddamn door?”  
“What so you can chime in about closing it?”  
“Not the time for emo references Rachel.”  
“It was a phase, shut up.”  
Kurt sighed before getting up to open the door to see  
“Professor McGonagall?”  
“Ah Hummel. Do you mind if I talk to you for a moment?”  
“Of course not Professor.”  
The two walked away from the dormitories and into the Hufflepuff Common Room. Nobody seemed to pay attention, too entranced in chatting with their friends or stressed over homework due the next day. Those that did just said things like “Ooh someone’s in trouble…” before laughing as if they had just made the funniest joke they had ever heard.  
Eventually the pair made it out of the common room but still couldn’t talk because there were house elves scurrying around all over the place, still clearing up after dinner. Finally they found a quiet place so that the professor could explain to Kurt why she had dragged him halfway across the school.  
“Hummel. Kurt. This is a very delicate matter. I think you might wish to sit down?” She pulled out her wand and Transfigured one of the nearby potted plants into a chair. Kurt obliged and sat down.  
“What’s wrong? Is everything alright?”  
“I’m afraid not. I’m really sorry to have to tell you this but…”  
“But what? Professor tell me!”  
“I’m afraid you’re mother has been admitted to St Mungo’s. We’ve been told she may not last the night.”

\----

Present Day

“So that’s it then? There’s nothing left that you could do?.”   
“Like what?”  
“So she may not be looking down on you? We live in a world of wizards, witches, magic and… talking portraits. You must have one of her right?”  
“No… s-she didn’t like the idea that when she was gone, nobody would really care because we still had a painted version of her instead. I wish she had though. I still would’ve cared, even if I did have a portrait. It just wouldn’t have hurt so much. So fucking much.”  
“I take it she isn’t becoming a ghost?”  
Kurt gave a shallow bark of laughter.  
“You wanna know one of the last things she said to me? “I won’t be coming back this time, boys. Not like normal.””  
“What did she mean by ‘not like normal’?”  
“You know she was an Auror… of course you do, that’s how she-”  
“Yes I know she was an Auror. What’s that got to do with anything Kurt?”  
“Whenever she left on a particularly difficult mission, she would kiss my head and then my dad before saying “I’m coming back.” And then I would always say “Just like last time”. Except-”  
“Except this time she didn’t…”  
“No… she didn’t.”


	6. Sixth Year (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So because I haven't finished this chapter I have decided to split it into two parts. A fair warning that the two parts will probably not be even but at least you get some this week!

“Blaine.”  
“Yes Kurt?”  
“I have decided that life goals are extremely immature and that they only make you sad when they fail.”  
“Ok.”  
“...”  
“...”  
“So, you aren’t going to question it? Or demand that I make a new one for the year?”  
“No, it’s your choice.”  
“...”  
“...”  
“So, you aren’t going to argue it at all.”  
“Kurt, if you want to have a new life goal, have a new life goal. Who cares that Santana teases you about it most weeks? It doesn’t affect either of us.”  
“Ok. So my new goal is Head Boy. I mean I already got Gryffindor Prefect, it’s the next logical step right?”  
“...”  
“Right?”  
Blaine continued to say nothing, with a slightly horrified look on his face.  
“Are you just going to sit there with that confused look on your face or are you going to explain what you are thinking?”  
“It’s just well…”  
“Well what?”  
Suddenly Santana appeared out of nowhere, sitting down across from the two boys. She started dishing food onto her plate before turning to look at the now silent sixth-years.  
“Continue with whatever you were talking about. I’m just here for the food.”  
“Ok…”  
“Well Blaine? What’s wrong with me wanting to be Head Boy?”  
“There’s nothing wrong I just wanted…” Blaine trailed off, mumbling the rest of what he was going to say under his breath.  
“Oh come on, just tell us.” Kurt glanced at Santana. “At least tell me. I mean it’s not like you want to be Head Boy too do you?”  
Blaine looked away guiltily, his cheeks burning.  
“OH MY GOD YOU DO WANT TO BE HEAD BOY!”  
Rachel chose this moment to make her entrance: “Of course he does. He’s wanted it since like the start of last year. Or at least that’s when he told me.”  
Kurt jumped up. “WAIT SO YOU TOLD RACHEL BUT NOT YOUR SO-CALLED BEST FRIEND!”  
“Ok, Miss Priss, I think you need to take a minute because you are going seriously out-of-control.”  
The Gryffindor sat down, slightly embarrassed about his overreaction. “Sorry, I was just a bit surprised is all. I mean you would obviously make a great choice-”  
“Maybe I just won’t go for it, save all the drama.”  
Rachel cut in.  
“What do you mean you aren’t going to go for it?”  
“Well. I-I just…” Blaine looked, between the two, a conflicted expression on his face: “I don’t know.” he said in the end.  
“No, he does.” Rachel decided. “He just doesn’t want to have to tell Kurt and shatter his week-long dreams. Blaine is going to be Head Boy and he is going to be the be the best Head Boy Hogwarts has ever seen.”  
With that, Rachel stood up, tugging Blaine along with her.   
Kurt watched them until they were out of sight before shaking his head slightly and turning to Santana.  
“I’m so confused… you’re on my side, right Santana?”  
“I’m with whoever will do something about that dick Sebastian.” She pointed to where the aforementioned Slytherin was making fun of some poor Ravenclaw girl whose potion had made her skin go bright green.  
“Agreed.”

 

\----

A couple of days later

Santana was sitting in the Main Hall trying to eat her lunch whilst finishing her Potions essay. She probably should have done it last night but, come on, somebody had snuck Firewhiskey into the common room, and who was she to say no to free alcohol? She still wasn’t sure whether she should be pleased that she didn’t remember most of last night.  
Anyway.  
She was rushing through her homework, trying to make sure she had written the right uses of monkshood in this particular potion, when a first-year started screaming at the Slytherin table (which she hadn’t sat at since the Great Coming-Out of Third Year). Amongst the screams were shouts of “meerkat” and “Sebastian”.  
Somebody tapped her on the shoulder and, reluctant though she was to turn away and risk missing any of the action, she turned to see Kurt smirking at her.  
“So, you helping me become Head Boy?” he asked jerking his head towards the commotion.  
“Wait, what?”  
“You said that you would be with whoever did something about Sebastian.”  
Santana’s expression changed from one of confusion to one of pride.  
“Hang on. You did that.”  
“Mmhmm.”   
“OK, explain because all I can hear is some Slytherin screaming her head off.”  
Kurt took a seat and explained without taking his eyes off of the disturbance across the room.  
“I might have slipped something into Sebastian’s drink as I walked past. I just tripped and ...whoops.” He shrugged, the action at odds to the smirk on his face.  
“Ok. So what did you put in his drink?”  
“Just a potion.”  
“Kurt. What did the potion do?”  
“Oh, just turn him into a meerkat.”  
“YOU TURNED SEBASTIAN INTO A MEERKAT!”  
“Thanks Santana. Were you trying to get me detention?”  
“Sorry, that was just pretty devious for you. I guess that explains the screams that are still damaging my hearing.”  
As Santana said, the girl’s screaming still hadn’t died down, if anything it had gotten louder.  
“No, that’s not why you’re going to go deaf before you’re 30. She’s screaming because Sebastian (in his confused meerkat state) ran up her robes by mistake.”  
Santana began to snigger. Soon enough both of them were cackling loud enough that people were glancing at them before going back to staring at the Slytherin table.  
“This is why I think you should have been a Slytherin.”  
“Oh come on, slipping something into someone’s drink is so Gryffindor.”  
“Suuure.” Santana muttered before going back to her homework.

\----

“Blaine.”  
The Hufflepuff didn’t raise his head.  
“Blaine!”  
He didn’t even move to show he had heard this name being called.  
“BLAINE ANDERSON!”  
The boy in question jerked suddenly, knocking both his pumpkin juice and History of Magic textbook to the floor.  
“What the hell was that for Rachel?”  
She sighed, picking up his book from where it was lying next to her feet.  
“I still don’t understand why you opted to take History of Magic for N.E.W.T.s.”   
“Hey! I find it quite interesting if you must know.”  
“Or you just like the new professor…”  
“For the last time Rachel, I’m gay-- do you want me to remind you of the Firewhiskey incident of Fifth Year?”  
Her cheeks reddened and she handed over the book without saying a word.  
“So why have you interrupted my last-minute cramming session? I have a huge test after lunch.”  
“You have better things to worry about than some History of Magic test.”  
“Oh really, and what is that?”  
“Santana is officially on Kurt’s side.”  
Blaine looked at her confused.  
“I thought she had agreed to stay out of it.”  
“No, she just hadn’t decided what side she was on. I don’t even know what he did but she is on his side for definite.”  
“Alright. I guess we can give up now.” Blaine cracked the book back open and returned to the page he had been reading.  
Rachel snatched it out of his hands, slamming it shut in front of his face.  
“I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO BE HEAD BOY!”  
“It was just a thought I had before Kurt said he wanted to be it too. I would have easily let him have it.”  
“Well, we’re not. We are going to make you Head Boy whether you want to be it or not!”  
The Hufflepuff stared at her.  
“Fine,” she said. “We’ll withdraw.”  
“Why do you want me to get the job so much anyway? It’s not like Head Boy actually does anything. I only wanted it myself because Coop didn’t get it so I would have beat him at something.”  
She sighed.  
“I don’t really know. I guess I just wanted you to do something outside of Kurt you know. Since we started a few years ago, he’s always done stuff and you followed him.”   
“Don’t you dare start on that crackpot theory that I’m in love with him again.”  
Rachel sighed in defeat. “I just want you to be independent for once.”  
“Do you really want me to do this?”  
Rachel looked at him with hope in her eyes and nodded.  
“In that case, I guess you’re looking at Head Boy candidate number 2.”

\----

“Oh hey Mercedes. Mercedes! MERC-mmph!”  
An arm had appeared out of nowhere and the owner of said arm was now dragging Kurt somewhere.   
He tried to catch a glimpse of his “captor” but only saw a flash of a green tie before he was shoved through the door of an empty classroom.  
Unfortunately Peeves had taken up residence in this particular classroom.  
“Oh look it’s ittie-bittie Kurt and-”  
“PEEVES OUT!” the mysterious kidnapper shouted.  
“Touchy. I guess I can fix that.”  
The poltergeist was about to throw a desk across the classroom when the same voice that had told him to leave yelled: “I’LL SET THE BLOODY BARON ON YOU!”  
“You’re no fun,” he decided before he zoomed out of the room, the only evidence he had ever been there the upside-down desk in the middle of the room.  
Kurt finally turned to see (to his not-so surprise) that it was Santana that had dragged him into the room.  
“What Santana? I was just about to go study with Mercedes.”  
“Ugh. Give me a minute, I just have to make sure that I get this right. Rachel told Quinn told Finn told Artie told Sugar told Rory told Brittany told me that Blaine’s not dropping out.”  
“Oh.” Kurt took a seat on one of the chairs at the front of the class whilst Santana hopped onto the professor’s desk.  
“You sure you want to do this Kurt? Go up against the boy you’re in love with?”  
Kurt glanced up, a worried look on his face.  
“Keep your voice down, do you think I want that news spread around the school by dinner? Anyway stop making it sound like we’re Katniss and Peeta about to go into the Hunger Games, we are just two friends-”  
Santana coughed but underneath it she muttered ‘secret gay lovers’.  
Kurt glared at her before continuing his point: “We’re just two friends who are involved in a friendly competition between friends.”  
Santana gave him a look.  
“You used friends way too many times in that sentence. Something you’re hiding ittie-bittie Kurt?”  
“Oh do shut up.”

\----

“Blaine.”  
“Kurt.”  
“Santana.”  
“Rachel.”  
“Well this is awkward.”  
“Shut up Quinn you aren’t making this any better.”  
“Oh like you were Santana.”  
“I knew better than to make some smart-ass comment which didn’t help the situation.”  
The two girls walked off bickering with the occasional offended gasp heard every few seconds.  
Rachel made a hasty escape soon after: “I’ve got a meeting with Professor Schue about that thing with the thing. Yeah I’m just gonna go.”  
She walked down the corridor muttering “Seriously? ‘I’ve got a thing with the thing’? You need to work on improvisation.”  
“Is she talking to herself?” Kurt asked.  
“Just accept it and move on.” Blaine answered before turning around to walk to his next lesson.  
“Wait Blaine.”  
“Yeah Kurt?”  
“So you definitely going for Head Boy then?” the Gryffindor said, still hoping for a no.  
“I guess so. Only if you’re alright with it of course. I wouldn’t want to mess up something that you wanted.”  
“Of course it’s fine. I mean it’s your choice right?”  
Kurt walked past Blaine, both boys shaking their head as to what just happened.


	7. Sixth Year (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late, I had a busy weekend! But here it is the second part of sixth year!  
> This is really the end of the plot/story/thing but there will be one more chapter of seventh year fluff but it's only 200-odd words so...  
> Anyway.  
> Enjoy!

“Berry come here a second,” Santana shouted at the Slytherin about to disappear around the corner. Rachel turned around, saw who had called her name and sprinted down the corridor away from Santana.  
“For God’s sake…” she chased after Rachel eventually catching up with her outside from the Main Hall.  
“I'm not talking to you Santana. And I’m not talking to Kurt either. So don’t bother trying to recruit me to help him become Head Boy.”  
Santana groaned. “Is it possible for you to talk about something other than yourself for more than ten seconds?”  
“Maybe if it linked back to me in some way?” Rachel said, seriously considering Santana’s statement.  
“OH MY GOD!”  
“What now Santana?”  
“I WASN’T BEING SERIOUS!”  
“Oh.”  
“Anyway. Meet me back here in about half an hour, ten minutes before the end of lunch. Make sure you tell Blaine to do the same.”  
Rachel nodded, albeit with a confused look on her face “I’ll do it. Any chance you’re going to tell me why?”  
“You’ll see.” Santana muttered cryptically before disappearing into the throng of students going into the Main Hall.

\----

“Rachel, Santana. Either of you here yet?” Blaine called.  
“No clue where Little Miss Ego got to but I’m here.” Santana said before dragging Blaine over to the entrance to the school.  
This brought him face-to-face with Kurt.  
“Um...hi.”  
“Hi Blaine...You going to explain what’s going on here then Santana?”  
“You’ll work it out soon enough. Now where the hell is Berry?”  
“I’m here.” Rachel shouted, quickly walking to where the other three were gathered. “So what’s going on? Is Kurt dropping out and we’re all joining forces to make Blaine Head Boy?”  
“Way to jump to conclusions there Rachel.” Kurt muttered.  
“Oh shut up.” Rachel hissed.  
“Will everyone quit talking so I can explain what we’re all doing here?” All three sixth-years turned to Santana, silent, desperate to see why she had brought them all here. “Thank you. Now Kurt, I want you and Blaine to go and stand under the branch of that tree in the courtyard.”  
“Um, ok…” the boys moved into the positions that Santana had directed them into.  
“Ok now, come back here.”  
“Are you kidding me?” Blaine shouted before walking back to the girls.  
Well, tried to walk back to the girls.   
He got stopped by some sort of invisible barrier once he got a few feet away from the tree. The same thing happened to Kurt when he tried to walk back as well. Blaine began hitting it to see if it would yield.  
“What are you doing you idiot? It’s not a punching-bag! You’re going to break a bone if you keep doing that!” Santana yelled down at him.  
Rather than take Santana’s advice, Blaine decided to run up to the barrier and slam into it at full force.  
Leaving him wincing on the floor.   
Luckily he hadn’t done any significant damage and could get up. Unluckily he didn’t do any significant damage to the barrier either.  
“What the hell Santana?” Kurt called up to her.  
Rachel turned to her “I agree with Kurt. What the hell Santana?”  
“Follow me and I’ll explain,” she said before walking down to the tree. “You see that branch that I told you to stand under.”  
“Yeah I can. BECAUSE I CAN’T MOVE MORE THAN A FEW FEET AWAY FROM IT”  
“OK, calm down there sassy. Look closely at the branch.”  
Both boys scrutinised the tree. Rachel tried to walk forward so that she could see better as well but Santana pulled her back whispering “Do you want to be trapped in there as well?”  
“I can’t see anything,” Blaine admitted, “Apart from that weirdly-shaped leaf.”  
“Ugh. Why don’t you look at the weirdly-shaped leaf Blaine? Maybe it has something to do with why you two knuckle-heads are trapped.”  
“Let me look,” Kurt said pushing past Blaine to look at the leaf, “Seriously Blaine? How the hell did you mistake this for a leaf? It’s a sprig of...mistletoe?”  
Santana began cackling.  
“Santana?” Rachel asked tentatively, “Why are you laughing?”  
“Because- because- OH MY GOD THIS IS TOO FUNNY! HAHAHA!”  
“Guys I think you broke her.”  
“Us? Blaine and I didn’t do anything!”  
Eventually Santana calmed down enough to finally explain the situation.  
“OK so. I thought it would be funny to prank you two to relieve some of this tension this whole Head Boy competition thing we’ve got going on. So I trapped you two with magical mistletoe.”  
“YOU DIDN’T! SANTANA I SWEAR WHEN I GET OUT I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!”  
“Have to get out of there first Kurt. And we both know how that’s going to happen.”  
“Wait I’m confused.”  
“Of course you are Blaine,” Kurt muttered.  
“Hey there was no need for that. I’m confused as well.” Rachel argued.  
“Why Kurt isn’t winning Head Boy purely for having an IQ higher than that of a prehistoric ape is beyond me.” Santana commented.  
“Oh shut up Santana,” Blaine said, “Now please explain why I am being trapped by a supposedly magical sprig of mistletoe in BLOODY JULY!”  
“OK so you know how when two people stand under mistletoe they are supposed to kiss? Well magical mistletoe just kind of makes sure that they do.”  
“What do you mean Santana?”  
“The mistletoe won’t let you leave until you two kiss.”  
Blaine wheeled around from where he had been looking at the mistletoe to stare at Santana.  
“So we’re both stuck here until we kiss.”  
“That about sums it up yeah.” Santana replied, a smirk on her face.  
“SANTANA!”  
“BLAINE!”  
“WE HAVE CLASS IN,” Blaine checked his watch, “FIVE MINUTES!”  
“Better get a move-on then.”  
Blaine sighed before turning back to Kurt.  
“Suppose we should…”  
“Yeah, wouldn’t want to be late…”  
The boys awkwardly stood there until Blaine suddenly lunged forward and briefly touched his lips to Kurt’s. Blaine then immediately took off towards his next lesson, the barrier no longer there.   
“Oh.” Kurt said, before swiftly rearranging his look of disappointment into a blank expression.  
“I’m sorry Kurt,” Santana whispered, looking at him.  
“Save it Santana,” he muttered pushing past her back inside the school.  
“That went spectacularly Santana. Really well done.” Rachel hissed, storming off.  
“I just wanted to help,” she whispered, deflating before she too headed off to her last lesson.

\----

“Oh hey Brit. Brittany! BRIT-mmph!”  
An arm had appeared out of nowhere and the owner of said arm was now dragging Santana somewhere.   
She tried to catch a glimpse of her “captor” but only saw a flash of a green tie before she was shoved through the door of an empty classroom.  
“WHAT THE HELL?” she yelled in the vague direction of whoever had dragged her into the classroom.  
“I think I’m the one who gets to say what the hell Santana. Blaine won’t talk to me and Kurt constantly looks like you just kicked his puppy. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING SETTING THEM UP?”  
“I wasn’t…” she replied quietly, staring at the floor.  
“YOU WEREN’T WHAT?”  
“I WASN’T THINKING OK? ALL I SAW WAS ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IN LOVE WITH ONE OF MY OTHER BEST FRIENDS AND ME WANTING TO HELP THEM OUT!” Santana shouted.  
“AND YOU DIDN’T THINK TO JUST LEAVE IT BE OR DO IT, I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE IN PRIVATE!” Rachel yelled back at her.  
“Look. I know it was a mistake but maybe instead of shouting at each other, we should try and do something about it.”  
“Like what Santana? What could you possibly suggest that would get us out of this?”  
“Well, first off I think we need to get rid of this stupid Head Boy competition.”  
Rachel looked at her.  
“Even if we did that, what would happen then?” she asked.  
“Well if the boys weren’t competing they might be back on speaking terms.”  
“Oh great Blaine and Kurt are speaking again. WHAT ABOUT THE PART WHERE WE ACTUALLY GET THEM TOGETHER SO THEY STOP LOOKING SO MISERABLE ALL THE BLOODY TIME?”  
“Leave that bit up to me, I have an idea,” Santana said cryptically.  
“OK, I’ll leave that with you. So how do we get rid of the Head Boy competition then?”   
“I think we need to have a chat with Professor McGonagall…”

\----

“So before we start the End of Year Feast I just have a couple of announcements to make,” Professor McGonagall declared to the Main Hall. Immediately the chatter died down although there were still a few students talking around the room.   
Which was to be expected.  
“Rather than inform the new Head Boy and Head Girl of their roles in the letter they will receive over the summer, we have decided to tell you now to save you the suspense. Badges won’t be given until the letters are sent out however.  
“So first of all, Head Girl. The new Head Girl is Brittany Pierce.”   
Everyone applauded whilst Brittany started telling Santana about her plans for the Yule Ball.  
“YAY! I’M SO HAPPY! I THINK I SHOULD MAKE THE THEME DINOSAURS!”  
“OK Brit now shh. I need to see if McGonagall is going to agree to what we asked.”  
Once the clapping had continued the Headmistress continued  
“And your Head Boy for next year will be...oh dear Lord help me...Klaine.”   
Kurt and Blaine looked at each other in confusion. (I mean, what in Dumbledore’s name is a Klaine?)  
So Santana and Rachel jumped up to explain.  
“So,” Santana began, “Rachel and I were worried that if one of you got Head Boy and the other didn’t that your friendship would be permanently ruined.”  
“So,” Rachel jumped in, “We went to see McGon- sorry, Professor McGonagall the other day to see if there was anything she could do.”  
“She agreed that you two could be joint Head Boys along with Brit.”  
“I suggested that she use your ship name.” The boys stared at Rachel. “What? I think it’s cute.”  
“Miss Berry, you can defend yourself later,” McGonagall interrupted, “We have a feast to eat.”  
Food immediately appeared on the five tables around the room. At once, the room erupted into conversation either discussing the announcement or plans for the holidays.  
“Boys.” Santana said after the four of them had sat there in silence.  
“Uh, yeah Santana?”  
“Are you going to say thanks or what?” she asked, smirking.  
Both of them immediately began thanking her until she waved her hand for them to stop.  
“You’re making me feel ill from all this cheesiness.”  
“So, Head Boys,” Rachel said slyly, “I’ve heard it’s customary for newly crowned Head Boys to kiss.”  
Kurt’s cheeks darkened and Blaine started babbling about how that was so made-up and Rachel should just shut up.  
Santana gave up on subtlety at this point.  
Rachel evidently had.  
“FOR GOD’S SAKE! YOU LIKE HIM AND HE LIKES YOU NOW KISS! GOD!”  
“Wow Santana, I think that’s the first time they’ve ever followed your advice.”  
“Oh come on Rachel, that wasn’t advice. That was an order with an underlying threat.”  
Rachel shook her head, muttering “Never let it be said you’re not a Slytherin.”


	8. Seventh Year

“Blaine.”  
“Yup?”  
“I’ve decided that my new life goal is to pass my N.E.W.T.s without dying.”  
“Wow Kurt.”  
“What?”  
“I’m just shocked.”  
“Why?”  
“That goal’s really unachievable, I guess.”  
“ARE YOU SAYING I’M NOT GOING TO PASS MY N.E.W.T.S! GET BACK HERE BLAINE DEVON ANDERSON! STOP LAUGHING, THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER!”  
Across the room Santana and Rachel were watching the two boys with growing amusement.  
“It’s literally like they’re not even dating, they just act like two friends,” Rachel admitted.  
“Well, that’s what their relationship is based on. Friendship. Oh and Kurt’s wacky life goals.”  
“Hey without those ‘wacky life goals’ we wouldn’t be sitting here right now.”  
“True.”  
“Though some of them were pretty unachievable. Like beating me in everything. I mean, come on.”  
“I’ll have you know that that goal was completely achievable.” Kurt called from across the room.  
“No it wasn’t,” Blaine teased.  
“Oh shut up.”  
“I know something that would shut you up.”  
“Oh really Anderson?”  
“Yes, really Hummel.”  
“FOR GOD’S SAKE GET A ROOM!” Santana shouted at them.  
Both boys just laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it.  
> The end.
> 
>  
> 
> ...
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed it!  
> Thanks for reading!  
> Bye!


End file.
